it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
