He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize