Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
