Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
