Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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