Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
