i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
