end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize