So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
