I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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