Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
