she smelled like a LAN party
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
