twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
