i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
