never play flip cup with pint glasses
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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