getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
