im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
