I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
