He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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