Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
