Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize