Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
