I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have aggressive nipples.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
