Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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