nut hugger
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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