they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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