I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm always down for nudity.
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