I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
