Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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