Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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