i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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