Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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