she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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