Will you blow on my dice?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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