i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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