i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
