Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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