I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
