So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
