my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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