Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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