Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
