you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
