maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
