you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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