This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
