Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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