his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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