omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize