Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
