ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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