i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
