Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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