ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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