Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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