my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
