i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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