she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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