I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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