Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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