when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
