Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
