We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
