How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
