you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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