i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
