The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
