Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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